Patterns and Deal Breakers

Do you people realize that most of us have a certain pattern when it comes to attraction to the opposite sex? (well, to the same sex if you're gay :p) You will respond especially well when you come across certain traits, and of course there will also be a set of deal breakers which you simply can't tolerate no matter what. Well, analyzing guy-girl stuff has always been fascinating to me, and after watching re-runs of SATC episodes I couldn't help but wonder... what are my patterns and deal breakers, and how similar are they to those of my friends'?

Patterns

To some people, it's the "Tall, Dark, and Handsome" set of qualities. To others, it's as simple as having money... but then, earning the money is not really that simple. To me, it's the TLC. Not Tomato, Lettuce, and Carrot (as suggested by a dear friend whose idea of the ideal man is the veggie-seller), TLC here refers to the kind of guy who's so full with tender loving care.

Surprisingly, being old enough and definitely knowing enough people to let me bump into at least 2 of them everyday... I never realized my pattern until recently. It was when I heard myself describing a guy to my friend and the friend said, "sounds familiar...*chuckles*".
Turns out I do have a pattern after all... *horrified look*

It seems I'm drawn to guys who will notice if I'm missing and is willing to wait for me when we're walking in a big group. The kind of guy who will notice that I've finished my drink and makes sure I get my refill just because he's that kind of guy who does that sort of thing. The one who will make sure you get your share of food before the rest of the guys finish the whole pile (Yes, I know by this point I sound like a greedy girl who will fall for whoever feeds her the most) . The one who will ask you about your opinion on issues and totally respects your views. The one who will notice that you're sitting alone quietly and come to the rescue with a hi and a smile. To sum it up, I have a soft spot to a guy who shows that he cares naturally, and he has to be genuinely nice and kind, and not just to certain people he wants something from.

Of course that's just one simple thing and there are a lot more. The thing about patterns and deal-breakers is that everyone will have a different one. It's a unique thing to each individuals. Some people are perpetually attracted to people who are similar to them, and some others to the total opposite. Some are drawn to those having similar traits to their idols, like their mum or dad, etc. Furthermore, you can never know which pattern is a better guarantee to long term happiness, because the biggest pattern of humankind is change. Throughout the years I think my pattern has changed, and I guess that would be the case for everyone. We ourselves changed as we progress through life experiences, we become happier, or more bitter, but all in all, a little bit wiser, well, not all of us of course, but most of us are a little bit wiser than before. =)

Deal Breakers

So, we have a certain pattern of people that we are attracted to, but often in our socializing, we get attracted to certain people, only to get turned off totally when we found out later on about a characteristic they have, which we simply cannot accept no matter what. For example, imagine this, you meet this guy at a party, and he's totally gorgeous, and you happen to be one of those who really dig hotties (I'm trying to refrain from commenting how shallow you are at this point), then when he comes over to introduce himself, you smell a sickening odour emanating from his very being, and you happen to have the smelling ability of a police dog. What do you think will happen? Is it :
a. you are going to jump into his arms, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after
b. you decide that despite the fact that he looks like a clone of Keanu Reeves with Pierce Brosnan's charm and Antonio Banderas' sex appeal, you simply can't be with him
If you choose b, so body odour is your Deal Breaker. So what is yours?

On this subject, I will discuss the feedback from the female first (not because I'm a woman and I'm biased, nope, not at all... ). There are of course the standard answers like dishonesty and infidelity, but I guess to a lot of people these two can become quite a deal breaker. Not to say that only men can be liars, but I guess in most cases, they get found out a lot more often. =P
One of the interesting answers I got was "physical strength", because the girl doesn't want to be the one changing the tires when the car breaks down. Another one is the "In-laws-to-be". No matter how much she likes the guy, if his mother happens to nag at the speed of 70 words per minute on regular basis, she will ditch him, dump him, bury him.

As for myself, I am controlled by my nose. It may not be as sensitive as a cute little puppy's, but it's good enough to detect the presence of dangerous gases in the air. So it is averse to both overwhelming perfume smell (you'll be surprised how some guys finish their perfume bottle in less than 2 months), unpleasant odour, or smoke smell (it may have something to do with the fact that 3 out of my 3 uncles passed away due to cancer caused by smoking). So sorry guys, even if you are tall, dark, and handsome, if I start smelling something which is not quite right, you are crossed from the list... Heehee.

Now, let's turn the page and talk about the guys' responses. Again infidelity and dishonesty are some of the standard answers, but there are of course some responses which are typical to the male species. Things like "Flat Ass" were mentioned by a guy who claimed that he doesn't mind flat chest, but flat ass is a no-no. After that he added, "Of course the chest also not too flat lah..."(Men are indeed visual creatures ya?) Another response is "if the girl is materialistic". He said that if the girl is the kind who buys Prada stuff every other day, he will be totally turned off. The only time when he will buy his girlfriend a Prada item is when she can convince him with a proper proposal explaining the valid reasons why buying it is crucial to her survival. By the way this guy is single and is looking for a devoted wife-to-be who can take care of his offsprings. If you are interested, please drop me a message. I charge a minimum commission, no worries. =D

The list can go on and on of course, but just like the Patterns, Deal Breakers are also unique to every individual. But it helps to know what your deal breakers are, that way you can eliminate the unworthy prospects earlier on... hehehe.

Conclusion? If you happen to know a guy who's caring, sincere and fresh-smelling, do contact me immediately. If he's Tall, Dark and Handsome it's a bonus. =D

Come to Mama

I was facilitating a particular weekend programme for singles. And my biggest discovery was the fact that apparently I still do ooze some maternal aura. I was definitely not older than most of the participants. But when the time comes for them to "consult" any of the facilitators, I had a queue!
Well, I have been blessed with this gift, people just feel comfortable with me. Even the quiet and reserved are drawn to me. I do enjoy it when I feel I can provide comfort to others. And I find each and every story fascinating. I wonder though whether it would be the best reputation to have in the long run... hahaha.

I made another discovery from observing the interaction between boys and girls around me, my friends, my peers at work, my singing group mates. There was one very strong common point. The "Blur" girls sell like hotcakes. And I'm not talking about academically inferior. I mean blur - girls who miss the points or who are always at a loss in discussions, the endearing, adorable girls who need someone to lead them or protect them. I have to admit though that they are really lovable.

This brings me back to my musings on whether being known as "competent" or "motherly and wise" would be the best reputation to have when it comes to the Dating Game. And the interesting thing is, I don't intend to be the dominant party in the relationship. But people just ASSUME I would be.

But one thing for sure, if I can contribute to my friends as a "Mama" and I can help them solve their problems or make them happier, I guess I'm willing to bear this cross. Let's just say that I still have a higher calling. I don't think I could pull off acting "blur" anyways. People see through it in no time... kekeke.

If only the strong, dominant male don't tend to fall for the "blur"est ones... which they do. Sigh... heehee...

A Woman's Worth

I was singing this song (by Alicia Keys) at the last karaoke session I went to with my friends. The song has this line - "You could buy me diamonds, you could buy me pearls, take me on a cruise around the world, baby, you know I'm worth it." The girl surely has no issue with her self-worth. I like the attitude. It also got me thinking on how wide the spectrum is on this issue.

I have a lot of girlfriends, and they make my life perpetually interesting because they are all so different and special. A girlfriend of mine will have no qualms singing the song, not because she sounds like Alicia Keys =P, but rather, she has the confidence worth thousands of diamonds and pearls. If a man wants to have her, he has to be ready to be at her beck and call, and put her on a pedestal. On the other end of the spectrum, I know another girl who could be crushed just because a sub-standard specimen of man lost interest in her.

You may start thinking now, which one are you more inclined to be? I've learned though, one may not end up happier than the other. It really depends on what kind of men they happen to find. If the men they find happen to be the kind that can satisfy their needs, be it full attention and priority or constant reassurance and extra sensitivity, I guess both can be as happy.

As for me, I guess I'm sufficiently confident that I'm worthy of people's love, being surrounded by the love from the people around me all the time. Am I lovable or what? Kekeke....

Prelude

Dear readers,

This blog will share the conversations that go on in my mind. Constantly being exposed to intriguing dynamics of human interactions, I just felt compelled to note down the issues which always keep my life interesting every single day. A lot of them will revolve around the people around me and their relationships with other people.

I am no psychologist, nor am I a wise philosopher, but I do enjoy analyzing this crazy world of ours and people inside it. May you find this a stimulating journey into the nooks and cranny of my colorful environment.